Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

Today I tried to teach you the word “no.” You were sitting on the edge of my desk and kept turning around to poke the keyboard. Last time I let you do this you set the computer’s language to Indonesian and all my fonts to size 200, so I felt compelled to stop you.

I took you by the hands, looked straight into your eyes and said “no.” You looked mildly annoyed and then tried again, and then again and again and again, twisting your body and flapping your arms in protest, each time met with a solid “no.” Finally you sat perfectly still on the desk and just stared into my face,  your big eyes guilty as sin. I didn’t understand why until I saw your tiny hand reaching behind your back, ever so quietly, to tap on the spacebar.

I couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

Another day.

Dear Baby,

Do you know you’re a boy? It seems like you do. You are messy and gross and always eating bugs and pulling at your wiener. You like it when we roughhouse and tickle and throw you around. I don’t understand, I rarely dress you in blue and I gave you a doll. Why are you always playing with your tractor? I don’t know how to play tractor. Also, why are you so noisy? You scream when you’re happy, when you’re sad, when you’re taking a giant poo. Yesterday you spent an entire 20 minutes screeching like a bobcat in heat because you didn’t want to be in your car-seat. I just turned the music up. Sorry.

Dear Baby,

It seems like I’m saying I’m sorry a lot lately. Like I’m sorry you don’t understand that I am not your personal slave or I’m sorry you gagged on the broccoli I didn’t cut up properly or I’m sorry you smacked your mouth on the table and there was blood everywhere. I really am sorry it’s so hard to be a baby, but it’s hard to be an adult too. Enjoy pooping in your pants and being praised for the smallest of tasks because it won’t last long. As an adult, no one will clap and say “good boy” when you give them a slobbery kiss (I hope). No one will carry you around. No one will tell you how cute you are on the hour, every hour. Unless you’re Brad Pitt. I hope you’re not Brad Pitt.

Dear Baby,

Almost everyone tells us we need to kick you out of our bed. At first it made me anxious, now I just smile and nod. Even though it was awful at first, co-sleeping has become our little family’s  secret gem. We all brush our teeth together and then get into bed for pillow talk. When you get fussy, we turn the lights off and go to sleep. It’s really not that complicated. I know you’ll have to sleep in your own bed someday, but for now I’ll enjoy the cuddling and sweet baby breath. I’ll enjoy watching you sit up in your sleep only to crash back down a few seconds later. I’ll enjoy our slow morning wake ups and giggles under the covers. I’ll enjoy it because I know it’s not forever.

Dear Baby,

Sometimes I worry I’ll never be ready to give you a brother or a sister. You love kids so much. Whenever we are around your cousins or any of your baby friends, you light up like Christmas morning and want to suck their face. It’s precious. You follow them around and don’t care if they take your toys. You just want to be close to them and maybe stick your finger in their mouth. It melts my heart. The day after you were born, your dad was ready for another baby. I guess this makes sense as it wasn’t his vagina that split open like a watermelon.

Dear Baby,

It may be a long time before you read these letters…

Love,

Mom

***

 Similar on Motley Mama: November’s Dear Baby

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30 comments

  1. both marc and luc were in bed with us around 2 am last night. as long as they need that comfort of being close to us, i’m cool with that. because like you said, it’s not forever. eventually, they will make fun of us and try not to be seen with us…

  2. If you cause them (him) to obey now, you will avoid a whole passel of trouble later.
    And I promise you it will be the most happy and joyful thing you will do for yourself and him!

  3. Waylon is lucky to have a mom with such a great sense of humor.

    We co slept with all our babies until about 2 years old. I wouldn’t trade any of those nights. It’s special and reassuring to them. Building a relationship with your kids is the #1 way to get your kids to listen. I promise! Mine are in college and grad school now and we used “attachment parenting” before there was such a thing. It works!

  4. I just laughed so hard. There are so many of these I can relate to– teaching him the word “no,” knowing he’s a boy, having to say “I’m sorry” way too often. This post is great. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feels this way.

  5. Oh my goodness, I love this. Especially the “no” one. And my little guy is the king of throwing a tantrum. I am going to be in for it when he’s a toddler.

  6. Ooooh, I love the people who act SHOCKED and APPALLED that your baby sleeps in your bed. Like it’s the WORST parenting move in the history of bad parenting moves. They’re usually women between the ages of 50 and 65 in my experience. Also my brother in law and his wife. They look act you like you’re CRAZY. You tell them you’re planning to move the baby into his crib when you wean him, and they just nod and smile like, “Sure, idiot. That baby will sleep with you forever.”

    But guess what, my four year old and two year sleep in their own beds now. Take that, middle-aged women and brother in law.

  7. Love these. So precious. And especially love the whole boys are gross thing. They just are, aren’t they? In a sweet, precious way. I mean, I don’t have boys, but I have nephews ;) And why do people care about the co-sleeping thing? Not their business. Not their baby. Everyone will always have an opinion, yes.

  8. These letters are fabulous. And I get the judginess, especially considering I still rock my 18 month old to sleep for every nap and nighttime sleep. I seriously doubt he’ll want me to rock him when he’s 12. But if he does, I just might. Because he’s my stinky boy.

  9. oh so good, Kate.
    the “no” thing. ughhh. when i tell sam, “no”…he usually just smiles and says, “no” even louder. fun times!
    so glad that your co-sleeping is going better! it sounds so peaceful to just all fall asleep together at night.

  10. I loved every one of these … because you just GET it all… how it is to be raising a boy… isn’t it crazy how they just have so much “guy” in them even without trying? I love it! Thanks for making me smile!

  11. I laughed out loud at the keyboard story! So cute!
    And although it’s somewhat different, I had been judged & made to feel guilty so many times that I’d rock my little girl to sleep. We “dabbled” in the various sleep training (hate thoes words) methods – no cry, a little crying, no way could she (or I) handle alot of crying. My rational was always “if I can’t take the 10min. out of my 24hr. day to cuddle & rock my baby, what kind of mother am I?” With a 2nd on the way I started to get a little worried & decided to try my own sort of hybrid sleep trials. She was ready now…no crying at all, no stress for any of us, and at 20mo. I am thankful for those moments I had. We still rock & read a story before bed…and sometimes she dozes off before she gets in her crib anyway. :) And I love when she does. When you and Waylon are both ready, it’ll work out!

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