That’s Not My Name

Lately I’ve become concerned about our baby’s identity. More accurately, I’m concerned he’s going to have an identity crisis. I think I’ve called him by his name maybe four or five times in his whole life. What is wrong with me? Today I said WAYLON right in front of his face and I might as well have said BADGER because it elicited no response. In fact, he turned the other way like “Who’s this Waylon you speak of? He doesn’t live here.”

I don’t know how it started, but Baby Daddy and I have gotten into the habit of calling him anything but his name. Any and all of these are used on a regular basis. Don’t judge.

Little Man
Littlest Man
Littlest Biggest Man
Little Man Girl
Little Manchild
Peanut Brittle
Peanut Allergy
Peanut Sauce
Baby Bear
Baby Stalin
Baby Bubs
Baby Love
Baby Babes
Bubba Lug
Bubba Bubs
Chubba Lubs
Lubba Lubs
Weird Face
Drool Face
Stinky Butt
Stinky Butter Butt

Did your parents call you something other than your given name? Are you normal/sane/a functioning adult? Do you call your kids weird things?

Make me feel better.




  1. I wonder if its because you kept his name a secret for so long that you’ve trained yourselves to call him something other than this name. And yes, mom called us both different names. She called me Bear/Kellbear a lot.

  2. We called my niece LydiaBug until she was 7 or 8. Sometimes still call her that. When she learned to write her name she insisted on writing: LydiaBug Anne Salfrank. No Joke.

  3. HAH!! Seriously cracking up at your list. BUT you would laugh at ours too. My personal favs are Littlest Biggest Man, Mancelot, Manchild & Peanut Allergy :) I’m laughing even as I write this.

    Mike calls Chloe “Booza Boosy Bubba”. My go-to is usually Little Bean, Big Bean, Princess Bean or B Bop. Now that I’m reading this, I think we both have a thing for the letter B. Hmmm…

    I think [hope] we are all normal. Right?

  4. They called me “chunk” and “pinzer”…I was chubby and had a speech impediment…. I had a ruthless family.
    I call Gracie niddle baby, pumpkin pie, pumpkin head, muffin head and tooty ta. I know not what I do- but I apologize to her often.

  5. I call her bug, lovebug, bugaboo, bugglebug (haha, I feel like an idiot with all these “bug” names!) aaand sweetpea.
    I also call her pinfold, its a weird name my mom used to call me (I think its from an old cartoon.) And, of course, there’s amelia bedelia. Which is funny because when we were picking the name I didn’t want people to call her that, but now I do all the time.

  6. We can Behr quite a few names, but we use his name enough, he definitely knows it. As for Waylon looking away, he might just be too young to recognize his own name yet. Don’t worry yourself…yet.

    Names we call Behr:
    Stinky B
    Stinky Face
    Bubba Behr
    Little Man
    Dude (actually, I use this one a lot)
    Fussy Pants
    Mr. Fussy Pants (odd, because he isn’t a fussy baby)
    Crazy Man
    and I am sure there are others…

  7. I recently found out that Nate was called “Doober” for most of his first year. He is surprisingly well adjusted. Love your list…Peanut Allergy is priceless.

  8. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this is funny. My parents called me both Erin and Chili, but I knew which one was my real name.

    Jonah called himself JoJo when he started to talk, and it really caught on. After a while I freaked out, because I named him Jonah, not JoJo, and I made a conscience effort to call him Jonah.

    Then Jonah called Henry “Henny” at first and suddenly we were calling Henry “Henny” and “Hens” and “Chicken” and “Mr. Rooster” and “Sir HensAlot” and it all happened again. But, they’re both (mostly) go by their real names now.

    I vote for Peanut Allergy.

  9. My brother was always called:
    In fact, he’s still called these things by my parents, and he’s 23. No harm, no foul. :)

  10. This list is hilarious! My fave of yours is Little Man Girl. If that doesn’t mess him up I don’t know what will! Ha!

    I’m a big fan of nicknames and Liza has a ton of ’em: Liza Lou, Lou, LouLou, Punky Brewster, Puddin’ Pop, Goose (I think this derived from Silly Goose), Tootse (sp?), Dirty Child, Little Crazy, Little Landes, Creature (I don’t call her this- just my creature of a husband), Trouble, Baby Doll, Weirdo. Yikes… it does make you rethink the list when you write them all out. :o/

    The other day I heard Bryan call her Dizzy Lizzy Liza Lou Who. Now that’s a bit much.

  11. Stinky Butter Butt! So funny!
    We call Sam- Monkey, Sammy Dave, and Mr. Nibbles. I loved reading what everyone else calls their kid(s).

  12. I was talking to one of my friends today and her sister has the best name story.

    When she was born she was given a name. I don’t remember what it was…

    …because two days later her mom decided that wasn’t her name, so she changed the birth certificate. Her name was now Alexis.

    No biggie.

    Until, that is, they changed her name again at age 4 because Alexis just wasn’t her name. Now her name was Aubree.

    Well that became a problem when she was NEVER called by that name. Instead she was called Bree. “Bree” was the name on all her school records, etc…just not on her social security card or birth certificate. She had to ask her mom why people kept calling her Aubree. She was confused.

    So when she was 17 and tried to open a checking account and none of her legal documents matched each other, this was a problem and it took them forever to get it straightened out. Her name is now Bree Alexis.


  13. I call my little guy odd things all the time. Grumpers and Sir Grumpalot when he’s mad. Other names include: Honey Bear, Little Man, Mr. Man and TomTom (which I guess is close to his actual name of Thomas). I think he’s going to grow up thinking he’s got the same name as the GPS unit. :P

  14. I am right there in that boat with you. I have a three-month-old daughter whom I call a million names that aren’t her own. And I worry, too, that she’s going to have no idea who I’m talking to when I finally do use her name.

    Here’s my silly little list:

    Snuggle Bunny
    Honey Bunny
    Baby Chub
    Milk Monster
    Milky Face
    Emmanemanems (a very repetitive take on her name -Emma- and M&Ms)

    I don’t get why it’s so hard to call her by her name. Or why it’s so easy to make up a bunch of ridiculous things to call her.

  15. Another quick comment:

    When I was about 15, I spent a summer with my grandma, helping to babysit my three-year-old cousin. My grandma always called me “Honey” and so my cousin became convinced that that was my name and started calling me “Honey” too. It was adorable. I remember waking up one particular morning to him calling to me, “Honey! Honey! Come have faffles (waffles) with me!”

    He also called my grandpa “Punkin” for the same reason.

    I guess what I’m trying to say it that sometimes the names stick. In this case, it was insanely cute, but I could imagine it going the other way, too.

  16. My Dad looked at me when I was first born and said “hi frankie”. They knew I was a girl, and already named Brittany. But Frankie it’s been since birth. I’m 27 now & still Frankie to my parents and close friends only!

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